Better Than A Banquet Partaken In Anxiety (trigger warning)

Aesop_Food_Quote

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s not often I talk about this, not because I’m in denial (although I probably am), but I see other facets of my mental health more significant.  As some of you know I have been trying to get an anti-psychotic added to my meds for some time. I have run out of options and had every excuse thrown my way to justify decisions not to prescribe. The last time I took antipsychotics I was on Chlorpromazine, then one day the psychiatrist told me she couldn’t prescribe it any more as there was licensing issues which meant it couldn’t be prescribed anymore. Prior to that during my admission to the Priory, they put me on Quetiapine which alongside the 2 antidepressants had me quite calm and sedated. Anyway, as usual I digress,  so  back to my original point.ive been trying to a new med prescribed to cope with dissociation and hearing the destructive voice that is my internal dialogue with little success. As I said I have heard every excuse possible,  including “you’re not actually ill” & more commonly “weight gain is not a risk we’re prepared to take”. At last time I looked it is me taking the medication so the risks are actually mine.

There are two things to know about me:

  1. I’m extremely overweight / fat / morbidly obese / any other term you wish to apply.  I know this and am aware of it and don’t need reminding or patronising about it. Equally I don’t need to be molly coddled.
  2. I have a complex relationship with food.

Considering the 2nd point, Food for me is inextricably linked to my mood and emotions. When things are on an even keel I eat sensibly,  when I’m in an over elevated mood or severely depressed mood then eating often flies out of the window and it can be days without suitable nourishment. When I feel distressed or emotionally vulnerable that’s when I turn to comfort eating.

I use food like other people use other substances,  particularly very sweet goodies and salty things. Currently with the festive period I’ve been enjoying,  chocolate (particularly chocolate oranges) salt and vinegar pringles. I wonder if that free bit of advertising is going score me some freebies?

I don’t need to be told that these things are bad for me, I know this. I also know it’s going to be a while before I can address my shameful relationship with food properly,  and we are looking at several years,  rather than months. I suppose perhaps I should consider my relationship with food as form of self harm but I’m not sure normal distraction techniques will be that effective to fight cravings.

So dear reader,  I ask a favour,  if anyone has any coping strategies to deal with comfort eating I would be most interested to hear and give them a try

Many thanks in advance your tubby (not so little) blogging friend 🙂

This entry was posted in My Headspace, my story, Self Harm and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.