time out

It might be time I gave up on this blog, or at least time to step away for a bit.

I’m struggling and lost and in a world of pain. I have as good as lost everything because of all this. I’ve lost even the most basic skills. I get confused with the most simple things. Today I went to an appointment, I didn’t really know where I was heading so I told the bus driver I needed to be at tang hall community centre. I was getting more and more anxious and shaky until he finally stopped and said that’s where I wanted to be and pointed towards a church. I got off and instantly felt like I wasn’t at the right place, my tension and anxiety was rising. I stuck the postcode into Google Maps to discover I was a good 15/20 min walk away. When I finally got there I found where in the building had to go only to find out my appointment was for the 3rd. This wasn’t the surprise I knew the appointment was the 3rd. What surprised me, and something I couldn’t comprehend was it wasn’t the 3rd today. I am so angry that it took a shitload out of me and I fucked up, what stupid prick doesn’t know the date? Well this one!! I’m still thinking the best possible punishment for my stupidity.

Anyway that sums up where I’m at, except I’m at this point having alienated myself with my parents who think I’m being unfair to blame them for not believing them. Apparently despite their story changing  many occasions it is my fault that as a pre-school child I wasn’t able to say “he had his dick down my throat and came”. Shame on my language skills. I just don’t think think I can heal that scar or the wound with my parents.

My thoughts and head get messier by the day and for that reason I’m going to take myself away from things for a bit.  I can’t promise where things lie or if sand when I’ll get back, I don’t know. I as you to keep the story alive and please actively support charities like survive or nspcc.

Thank you,

So long & thanks for all the fish

Al xxx

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