Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World: How one film got me thinking

Ok so I feel I must start this this post with a warning that this post discusses suicide and may be distressing  and may trigger bad feelings or memories for some, If this is you I urge you not to continue  and I thank you for your support.

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I’m one of those people who will see a film, and if I love will watch it over and over.My latest addiction is the excellent Keira Kightly & Steve Carrell offering Seeking a Friend for the End Of  The World. I must confess I’m not an admirer of Steve Carrell’s output, In fact I normally go out of my way to avoid anything with his name in. For whatever reason I decided to give this film a try and was surprised to have my expectations more than exceeded. I won’t ruin the plot for anyone who wishes to say it, but you know from the start how it ends, and that’s ok. The world has 21 days before an asteroid smashes in to the earth and wipes out humankind. the film’s not about trying to save the Earth from devestation, instead it focusses on the blossoming friendship between Dodge (Steve Carrell) & Penny (Keira Knightly). It’s a wonderful film and highly recommend if you can, watch it.

I can hear the questions forming in your head. What has this film got to do with you Al? Why did you put a trigger warning?  Well dear reader, I doubt you’d be surprised to learn that for the last few months I’ve been feeling suicidal. In fact at times had moved from Wanting to be dead to having to be dead. There have been times with these feelings when I’ve watched the film and left wondering would death be easier  if we knew when it comes to us, would it be easier to face if there was someone special to share it with. This thought in turn has led me to the question, why haven’t I killed myself? What stopped me taking my own life?  I think the short answer is there is I’m afraid, not to die, but to die alone. I’m not talking about someone else taking their own life with me,  more of to have someone hold my hand as I take my final breath.

Now I know I’m surrounded by some of the finest people as friends, and they have had to put up with a self indulgent and obstinate me in recent times, but there is something inside that leaves me feeling alone, even when in a group.  I can smile to someone but on the other side of that smile beats sadness, pain, self-loathing and loneliness. As I said in my previous post, there is a difference between how you see me and how I see myself, the same could be said for whether I’m alone or not. I know I’ve got the greatest person a person could wish for, so why do i feel alone? I can’t answer this, and I hope I’ve not offended by me saying this, because I do value and appreciate your friendship and the love you give me, maybe it’s because I don’t feel worthy of it. I don’t know.

Anyway I’m digressing from the point, and please don’t take this as a post that I’m about to take my life, because at this moment in time, that’s not to say I won’t in the future but I’ve promissed my friends to give some alternatives, in the form of Survive & MIND a chance to help where the local mental health services. Should things not work out then who knows what, but please don’t worry at this time. I realise I’ve edged away from the original point, so I’ll draw this post towards a close and get back to what I’ve been trying to get to. The other week I was feeling particularly wobbly, having tried to call the local mental health line several times with no answer I looked at the Samaritans Website I was surprised and comforted that should I find myself at the point I decide to take my life, the Samaritans will stay on the phone without seeking medical help, unless I ask them to. So I guess no matter how lonely anyone can feel even at the loneliest of times there is always a friend who will be with you, even at the end of the world.

My Samaritans Collecting Box

This is my Collecting box for the Samaritans, if you have loose change and want to put your loose change to good use you can get one here

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